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Prince Frecklebum, Greyhound Detective: The case of Inside Rainstormsby Ron Powell
~~My name is Prince Frecklebum, Greyhound Detective. I wasn't always a detective. I was a racer once, before I retired. My track name was Occam's Razor of Lightspeed Doom. You can call me Prince. Most of the humans around these parts do.
Today, I'm investigating the Case of the Inside Rainstorms. For some reason, it's been raining inside lately. Not big storms with loud noises and bright lights that make the humans want to cuddle with me for safety (they're lucky to have such a brave hound like me, I tell ya!). Little ones. And they seem to only happen on my nose. It's the strangest thing. Maybe I should recap the facts of the case so far.
A few days ago, my tummy tried to run away. Eventually, it stopped, but ever since then it's been raining inside. On my nose. And nowhere else. Why, the very day I felt better, one of the little humans left me some really yummy smelling cookies on a little plate on the counter. Seein' as how no one else was around, they were obviously a "glad you feel better" treat for me. They were also right at head level for me on the counter. Could you ask for a better sign? Just as my mouth opened and I was about to chomp down on that yummy deliciousness, it rained. On my nose! I guess you could say I was startled. I backed up. I didn't see any clouds. I guess Mom saw it rain, too, 'cuz she was looking right at me. Weird. Then, Mom stole my cookies! One of my best Greyhound Detective Assistants. Stealing! *harrumph*
The next day, Mom made a big metal box of meaty smelling noodle stuff. I think she called it Le Sonya or something. It's ok. I love French food! There it was on the table. There was even a chair pulled out for my snacking convenience. I jumped up on the chair and before I could get more than one lick, it rained. Again. ON MY NOSE! I jumped down and looked around for clouds. There weren't any. Dad must have been looking too, cuz he was standing in the doorway looking in the same place I was.
That night, they ate my Le Sonya. This is enough to give a greyhound a complex, I tell ya. I was gonna help do some dishes when it rained. Again. On my nose.
This morning, after I watered the flowers and replaced the missing garden holes, I found my favorite sun spot - which, incidentally, was still in the right place and thought about it long and hard. Once I woke up from my nap, of course. It didn't rain on me when I cuddled on the couch, or laid down in my favorite spot, or nose-poked dad, or almost anything else. Every time I got a treat, though... Wait a minute. Hold on. Maybe there's some sort of Anti-Treat Nose-Based Rain Curse! That happens a lot, you know. Greyhound Detectives just know these things. More investigations are definitely in order.
I went to Mom right away. She was playing with the little glowy box with the clacky sounding board thing on it and not paying no attention to me, so I did her favorite trick - I plopped my head down on the clacky board thing and she immediately noticed me! Works every time. She get's soooo happy when I do that. You can tell by the big noises she makes. I ran through my sure-fire treat-getting tricks. I bowed, I laid down, I roo'd, I put my paws on her leg and spun the chair around, I let her rub my tummy. Then, she reached in her treat bag and gave me a treat. NO RAIN! My tail got so happy it was going faster than a pack of me's after a pound of bacon! Mmmmmm, bacon.
What other tests should I perform? I know! I'll take a look in the big can of extra smelly treats in the kitchen. I went in the kitchen, put my paws on the right spot and the top opened up. I started to put my nose in and, sure enough, nose rain. Again. Sigh. Maybe I'll just try the counter again. That's where the best treats are! Two paws, stand up and.. ARGH! It's a nose area hurricane! Dad saw the whole thing! I could see him standing there. I trotted over to him and leaned on him for pettin's. He reached in his pocket and gave me a treat (he's sort of a push over, really). No rain. I think I see a pattern here. Let's just put the paws on the counter again. Dang it! Nose rain. Run back to Mom. Tricks got me treats again, but no rain. Smelly treat can, RAIN! Look cute and cuddly. Dry-nose treats.
By George, I think I've got it. Only counter and smelly treat can treats are cursed. Well, you can just chalk up another solved case to this Greyhound Detective. I'll just get the uncursed treats and avoid nose rain all together! I think I'll just take a celebratory nap and call it a day.
"Fine. I didn't believe you, but you can't argue with results. What's the payoff. Flowers? Chocolates? Date night?"
"Nope. It's much better than any of that. I mean, uh, Yes! All those. And..."
"AND??!?!?!???!!? ALL THOSE!?!??!!!???!"
"...we have to put in a foster application. Prince would love a companion and I'm sure he'd be great at showing a track dog the ropes!"
"How do I get myself into these messes?"
"Simple. You should just listen to me more. Now, about that foster app..."
Greyhounds aren't just dogs, they are a way of life!