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Dog Diaries

Greyhound Detective

by Ron Powell

~~I sleep with my eyes open. That's not detective bravado. I'm a Greyhound. It's kind of what we do. Still, the fact that I sleep with my eyes open means that morning comes as no surprise to me. The humans, they stumble out of their rooms all bleary-eyed and squinty from the morning sun. Not me. I know for a fact this morning is a great one for detective work. I bet I'll have this case cracked in an hour or less.

I realize I haven't introduced myself. My name is Prince Frecklebum,Greyhound Detective. I wasn't always a detective. I was a racer once, before I retired. My track name was Occam's Razor of Lightspeed Doom. You can call me Prince. Most of the humans around these parts do.

Anyways, I'm on an important case today. I'm searching for some missing valuables. My extensive experience as a Greyhound Detective allows me to draw on my previous cases, gin up a list of potential suspects and start sniffing around for clues.

First stop, the yard. Lots of shady characters out there. Squirrels, they're just plain nuts. Birds. Not dependable witnesses, them. Too flighty. I always start with these guys, though, because you never know when you'll get lucky with one of those stool pigeons. A few deer are always hangin' around, too, panhandling for few bucks or whatever dough they think they can get out of you. A quick interrogation yields nothing useful. I noticed there wasn't enough holes in the flowerbed so, just to be neighborly-like, I add a new one. Funny how they disappear when I'm not around. While I'm there, I notice one of Mom's flowers looks a little dry so I take care of that before heading back inside. I also do my part to save them on fertilizer costs. I think they really appreciate all the extra effort I put in around here. A quick trot around the yard to work out the kinks and I'm back on the case.

In the house, I head to each of the human's rooms. I found Dad still asleep. That'll probably be his alibi. Still, I know how much he likes it when I wake him up, so I hop up on the bed and put my nose in his eye. He always gets so excited when I do that! On over to the girls' rooms. The girls have such nice toys for me to play with. They squeal with delight whenever I pick up their dolls and toss them around. I figure I'll also poke my head into the boy's room. He does all kinds of sports. After nosing around for a few minutes, I think I'd like to stick my nose in a cat pan. I'm not sure what "gym shorts" are but let me tell you, I know which of those things smells better. PEEEE YEW. Despite this flurry of activity, I still haven't found my missing goods.

Whenever I'm stumped, I know exactly what to do to clear my doggie noggin'. I check the calendar, but then realize I can't read. Still, it's a good bet that the sun is coming in my favorite window and shining on my favorite spot right now. Sure enough, there's a big pool of sunshine right on Dad's chair. I hop up and roll onto my back. I have a theory that the world just makes more sense when seen upside down. Works for me, anyway.

While I was ruminating on the prospect of recovering the missing goods, I hear a ruckus in the one room I forgot to check - the kitchen. After gracefully falling out of the chair (I meant to do that) and a four mile long puppy stretch, I head over to investigate. Someone must have known I was on the case, because right there in my bowl were the missing items. It's amazing. I've solved this case for the 437th time since I became a detective. Still haven't caught the perpetrators, but I suppose as long as they know I'm on the job, they're going keep returning the stolen goods every morning before I get hold of 'em. After eating the evidence, I had a good long drink. I also help pre-soak the floor before the morning mopping that Mom always does. She makes such pretty sounds when she sees how much help I've been. Hey, what smells so good in that trash can over there?


You know what just happened? Someone stole my stuff again! Them rascals! My bowl is as empty as my belly was 10 minutes ago. Looks like I'm going to have to regroup and recheck all my leads. Hopefully, I'll be able to solve this case before dinner time. First though, I need to regain my energy with a short nap. This sure beats racing (by a mile) but my work is never done. It's just another day in the life of Prince Frecklebum, Greyhound Detective.

Greyhounds aren't just dogs, they are a way of life!